comparing and similarly are hurts

sejak tengah malam tadi status facebook saya :

comparing is hurt. But now, i found that similarly also hurt. You just don't know who i really am. I guess you'll never know. Never.

buat teman-teman yang selalu melihat status saya selalu terkesan ceria dan bersemangat pasti kaget dan berkomentar, mengatakan saya mengeluh atau apalah. Hahaha. Padahal saya sudah berusaha mengurangi tanda seru dan tanda penguat emosi lainnya. Sebegitunya yah?
Saya kan juga manusia biasa.

Itu hanya kekecewaan saya terhadap sebuah komentar seseorang. Mungkin buat orang lain adalah hal sepele, dan bakal menertawakan saya yang dinilai terlalu sensitif dikomentarin begitu. Tapi buat saya, its hurt. I repeat in indonesia, itu menyakitkan hati saya.

Sudah lewat beberapa hari, dan saya sudah tersenyum kembali terhadap si pemberi komentar. Dalam hati saya juga tidak mendendam ataupun benci. Tapi itu menjadi jawaban dari sebuah pertanyaan besar yang pernah muncul dalam benak saya. Mungkin itulah mengapa engkau menyikapi saya seperti itu selama ini. Baiklah. Saya mengerti. Saya juga tidak kuasa untuk mengubah keadaan. Mungkin tepatnya, semua sudah terlanjur. yang saya ingin katakan hanya, kamu baru membuat penilaian dari melihat 1 lembar dalam kehidupan saya. saya tidak mau terlalu menyalahkan diri saya. Jika setiap dia mengalami kasus itu dengan orang lain dan bermasalah, apa mungkin orang lain lawan dia yang hanya seorang itu yang salah? mungkin sebenarnya dia yang bermasalah.

Sudahlah. Dia selalu menganggap saya bisa melihat semua kondisinya dan moodnya, sehingga saya selalu tampak sempurna. Sehingga 1 cela dari saya bagai hari penghakiman saya pula.
Saya lelah menyayangimu. Terimakasih buat jawaban tidak langsungnya.

sheila marcia

she's not my idol actually.

not my fave actress nor singer. she's pretty. but she's not a kind of woman that i like, if i were a boy :P

her story of life was becoming a headline in most of newspapers in my country.

She's just like a rebel little girl. Make a sensation news everywhere. well, i don't want to judge her. I don't wanna talk about her too. I just want to talk about her mom.

Her mom is pure javanesse. Her dad is caucasian, i think.

Her mom was a model too. She's still beautiful for her age. I admire her hair. So wavy and thick and black.. haha.

Sometimes if i heard the news about her daughter, i'm a lil bit blame her. Maybe she's too spoiled her until she grew up like this kind of girl. But, i just believe that each person have a rigth to choose their way of life. If Sheila was growing up in a wrong way, i thought she could choose the rite way if she would. But, the reality, she didn't do that. Rite?

so i stop to blame her mom.

Her mom is a tough woman. She always accept her daughter however her fault, whatever her condition. She always prays for Sheila. In the front of infotainment, she still walk and talk in a tough way. I just can't find anywords for her. She was bringing sheila to the church after she out of the jail. But well, she made her mom dissapointed once again. And in the camera, her mom still smiling and said, "It's Sheila's life. Me as her mom just trying the best that i can to support her and pray for her, so Jesus will always be with her". This post is for Maria, mother of Sheila Marcia. *i believe my mom also the best mom for me too*. All of you the tough mothers, angels who sent by God. I adore you, mothers!